Who was he?

"175 bucks for a single ride and just 50 for pool!"

"So which one's she going to take? Tune in 10 minutes later to your very own show to find out!"

Sakshi's friend joked around with her. It was a crazy winter evening and the day couldn't have been worse - with accidentally spilling coffee on her denims to getting yelled at by her boss in front of her teammates - she had already deemed it the most pathetic day she faced that winter. But so is life, every second you calculate, judge and decide only to fiddle around with that decision later.

"So I don't have 175 bucks in cash, it's already 9pm and I'm sitting with my friends from night shift, my parents wouldn't stop calling to give me a minute's time to book a cab through my almost discharged phone and I can't even have a cup of coffee to calm myself!" Sakshi said in utter frustration.

"Look at you dear, you're going completely crazy. Don't worry, just tell me if you want to go single or opt for pool and I'll book a cab right away through my phone. By the time the cab arrives, you can put your phone to charge here, and talk to your parents so they would stop worrying." Sakshi's head was spinning; she took a deep breath and sat down to decide what to do. As her home was right by the street close to her workplace, she figured sharing a cab wouldn't be a bad option as she would get to deboard first. So she made her decision and 5 minutes later the cab arrived and she bid goodbye to her friend.

The driver wished her namaste which is always pleasant to hear even when you aren't having a good day and Sakshi felt like she was already coming back to her senses. The driver started the trip. There was a lot of hustle and bustle around as it was a rush hour. Was there anyone amidst this traffic who had a worse day than her? Sakshi started thinking. Would her boss even for a second think if his decision to rebuke her was wrong and that he had ruined someone's day completely just so he could get a work done? Perhaps not. You may not remember making someone sad but you can never forget making someone happy.

Few minutes later, the cab stopped at a spot and a second rider entered the cab. He was dressed in an off-white shirt that had a big stain on it, with few buttons open revealing his thin front, and a shabby black trouser with a pocket torn to the extent of revealing an equally torn wallet and Sakshi couldn't breathe in the awful pungent smell he had brought in with him. She soon realized that he was drunk and it sent chills down her spine as he sat next to her. "Please open the windows sirji", he said. "Before your odor chokes me to death" There was some serious talking going on in Sakshi's head.

"He is drunk for crying out loud, so much that maybe even the people sitting in this jam in their cars can sense it. He is dressed like a cheapster - and isn't he cold, endorsing that see-through shirt in this freezing weather, and where do such people get money or internet connection to book a cab - where is he even headed to anyway - maybe a dark, notorious street somewhere where his friends or local goons have gathered to talk about the number of girls they eve-teased today over drinks and bidis."

 Sakshi zipped her jacket up to her neck and held her purse closer. Soon a myriad of thoughts started vacillating in her head. "What if he tries to touch me, I haven't even bought a pepper spray yet. What if he starts abusing in the middle of the road and creates a scene, how will I reach home to my already worried parents? Should I not have opted for pool? Should I inform my friend in office?" Soon as she looked down at her phone, it made a sound and got discharged. "Do you need a power bank madam?" He spoke in a squeaky yet feebly sensible sounding voice taking out a power bank from another one of his pockets. Sakshi gave a nervous smile and took it from him accidentally brushing against his finger. She later wiped her hand on the car seat cover and left the "and why would you do that" question in her head unanswered.

The next few minutes she spent closing her eyes and praying to reach safely and opening them only to see this man seated next to her enjoying the outside view occasionally taking his head out of the window and enjoying the wind blowing right in his dark brown unkempt hair. It made him smile. He didn't have a pretty smile though, just the weird gross kind that arises from yellow-black teeth piercing through dark creepy faces when they assume that you were staring at them in utter admiration. Sakshi was amazed. It made her smile and she had a "thank you for existing" look on her face for that time when he was looking away. Soon, as she had anticipated, her destination was reached first. She handed him the power bank and thanked him for it and got down from the car. Soon as she started to walk, she heard a voice, "Have a nice day madam". She turned back and with a happy smile said, "Thank you" only to realize that it wasn't her fellow rider but the driver who had wished her that. The fellow rider was still swooning in his new found admiration of the winter wind. And Sakshi felt like there couldn't have been a better way to lift her mood that day that she had deemed the most pathetic day of that winter. But then so is life, every second you calculate, judge and decide only to fiddle around with that decision later.

[This story obviously is fictional but I hope a man like this exists amidst the people who stare at us every day. And when a day like that would happen I hope we can feel perfectly normal around them rather than giving them the “thanks for existing” look.]

  

Kis baat ka dar?

Jaane kis pal se kis pal ka dar
Jiska ant nahi shuruwat nahi
Jiya hu itna dar dar k
Kis baat ka dar tha yaad nahi

Beet gaya jo bura kal main usko
Dar me zinda rakhta hu
Darwaze se meelon duur ki dastak
Ghar me zinda rakhta hu

Anjaan sheher me khoyi khushi ka
Gham nahi fariyaad nahi
Jiya hu itna dar dar k
Kis baat ka dar tha yaad nahi

Sehmi umeede soti hain
Jahan nikalti thi duwaein dil se
Chhoot gyi kismat ki dori
Armaano ki satvi manzil se

Beeti khushi pe fir thirakna
Pal do pal ki baat nahi
Jiya hu itna dar dar k
Kis baat ka dar tha yaad nahi

The report of her life

“What’s news today if it’s not sensational? The crimes are the same- murder, rape, robbery etc. but they can only keep you glued to the newspaper if they turn out into a huge spiced-up whodunit that doesn’t revolve around a couple of strangers but someone from the inside who kept a record of everything to plot it and make it look like an ambush. As long as the culprit isn’t unveiled by law, media mustn’t abstain from garnering a certain heat to the case even if it involves disclosing the names of the witnesses or related people and making little stories around them. A cold-blooded murder of a girl, allegedly culminated in perfect stealth by her own parents, sounds more like a news people would like to read.” On her way home, Namita kept rewinding her boss’s words in her head. It was hard enough to live up to her expectations let alone competing with other writers for it. She had taken a break from a terribly hectic day at work as usual. Everyday rebukes had pushed her to the verge of losing her job. She reached home to her 10-year old son Krish. Only a persevered wish of seeing him in the middle of the day could keep her going in her tough times. Normally he’d scream at the top of his voice and run to the gate to greet her, but that day he had a dismal look on his face. Namita hadn’t seen this coming.

 He took her by her hand and led her in. Each step made her more nervous as to what (else) was wrong that day. She scanned left to right, from one corner to the other suspiciously; everything looked the same except for the kitchen. She entered in. There was a shiny golden cloth kept on the slab and she cowered away a bit when she saw what was placed on it. It was an 11-inch large blood stained knife. It looked dreadful enough to let its own wrath wield it. She felt her heart beat starting to race. She turned to Krish, held him by his shoulders and hastily checked him head to toe. He was fine. Then in a squeaky voice she asked him, “Where did you find it?” Apparently amidst a quiet locality in Delhi that Namita lived in, this drunken goon who had stabbed a kin over a money issue with a knife, had thrown the knife wrapped in a cloth under a tree, an hour before Krish returned from school and, intrigued by the flashy cloth, picked it and brought it home. “But why did you bring it home? It’s a bad omen!” Namita asked vehemently but she knew there was no answer coming.

 “You are not going to tell anyone about this knife and mom will throw it away on her way back. Promise me.” Despite Krish’s assurance she had to drink a glass of water or two to gulp down to her gut what had actually happened. After feeding him lunch, picking up a bunch of items (including the knife) and dropping him at her sister’s, she headed off on her scooty to home, but realising it had been too much for the day and she needed to think things through at a rather lively place, she drove ahead towards CP which was 15 minutes from her place.

She reached CP and parked her scooty. She began strolling about for a while looking at the busy city life breathing around her. Memories from her marriage flew in before her with the pleasant breeze. Life had been so beautiful and full of happy surprises then. Even amidst the busy work life, the little family time she could get would be so worth the wait. And how blessed she felt that little Krish was born when life was so cheerful and wished that with the sweetness of days that passed by, he’d grow up into a wonderful person. If only she had seen a bitter divorce coming, she would have lived those days with more enthusiasm or perhaps repaired the faults before they could ruin her marriage. Dramatic was the way how happy surprises turned sour. But she had made her peace with it and didn’t let it make her life, as her boss called stuff like that, filmy. It had been just another nail in the coffin of “lived happily ever after”. Post divorce, she moved to Delhi with her son when he was just 5-years old and had ever since struggled to keep up with the vicissitudes of city life.  “You can only enjoy it till it sucks you in.” She said to herself. But she had to disperse away the thoughts. There wasn’t much time. She had a deadline to meet and a knife to dispose.

She entered a Starbucks cafe nearby and ordered a coffee. It was work time, time for the notepad and the strongest weapon at her disposal, a pen her father had gifted her on her first day at her new job, to come out of her bag. And out came the notorious knife, if only there were a weapon to stab this one with, but to its luck and might, just a cover. She sat in the Starbucks cafe, sipping her coffee and staring out of the window. The blood stained knife lay next to her handbag, covered with her blue silk scarf. She had to clothe an incident she had to report, in the most pretentious, scandalous and deceptive words possible. She opened her scarf to the point where she could wryly gaze at the knife. It felt like peeping into the mind of a criminal. What could he be most scared of while in absconding? What twist could make this the most coveted report? For a while she meticulously dug the brains of the criminal and her boss to find the plausible solutions. After a few minutes of extensive contemplation and drawing inspiration from the knife, she started writing the crime she had to ‘sensationalize’ for the next day’s print, highlighting overtly intricate details of the weapon (also a knife) that went missing and could lead to the culprit. This was her last shot and it had to be the best.

After writing and reviewing it a couple of times, she packed up everything, scooted off to her office and handed it over to her boss. She took out the portentous knife, still covered with her scarf, and imitating her boss, spoke to it, “you better make it sensational!” If only the knife could smirk back or hide a little better behind its cover when a few suspicious eyes pried around. But her bossed looked quite impressed and even though she (like most working people) hated her boss, for that moment her happiness meant the world to Namita. She came back home picking up Krish in the way.

“So how was your day?” Krish popped up the quotidian question that usually Namita would ask. “Pretty hectic. Did you have fun at your aunt’s?”  She didn’t want to scare Krish by telling him that her career, his future and their shot at leading the same happy life they used to years ago were hanging on the verdict that will be narrated by the next day’s print. They had dinner while watching news on TV. If she was lucky maybe her report could make it to the news channels, she thought to herself. After the dinner they went into their respective rooms. She washed her face. All she needed was a good sleep to prepare her for the next day. She called out to Krish, “Good night sweetie.” “Mom!” he called out. “What now?” She rushed to his room. “Why didn’t you throw the knife away? You said it was bad omen.” Little Krish held the bag containing knife in his hand. She took it away from him and assured, “I’ll throw it away tomorrow.”

The next day her wish came true, the story did make headlines and was even printed on the front page in huge letters. The knife that was barely meant to make it to a hideously small section of the paper till the previous day, stabbed its way to a news report that little Krish would have never expected to hear or read. And yes, it was all over news channels too. The news read: In a first of its kind scenario and a fresh twist to the ongoing schoolboy murder case, a newspaper editor, Namita Sharma has been taken into custody for allegedly possessing and hiding the murder weapon she was to report about.On and on it sparked off a series of ‘filmy’ allegations that could lead to solving the murder mystery that had been bemusing the investigators for over weeks and triggered a plethora of possible motives and connections of this controversial editor, who couldn’t explain the knife, to the biggest murder mystery. Even Krish was questioned about the knife but he kept the promise he made to his mother. Somewhere at the bottom of that report were hints of a plausible DNA test of the blood found on the knife to be conducted by forensic experts that would eventually ascertain the truth. But for all Namita knew, saving her job came at the cost of losing her job and much more.                 

  

The distance between a deal and end of a deal

Hola readers! I am back with another secret of secrets!!

A deal begins with two or more people consenting to work towards a common goal. And the goal can be anything, from professional to mundane. Any deal or negotiation turns into a goal with a strong, and more importantly common, will and dedication. But a deal involves PEOPLE. And people are different.

No two people can think exactly alike. Any teamwork is a result of a concoction of different ideologies with different efforts, prior estimation of each being next to impossible, but a clever assessment and coordination of both can always carve new routes towards the fruition of the goal. Also, the differences that are conducive to different goals do manage to carve another route, and this one leads to THE END OF THE DEAL.

Consequences of such a deal are never pleasing. Not only does it waste the time and efforts but also strains the ties between people involved in it. The end is never a fault of just one party. If a party is absolutely inefficient, the deal can never begin in the first place. At the end, for all you know, you are tracing back to the point where the different ideologies became different goals and persistently evaluating the lost deal.

If you are an efficient negotiator or merely into socializing, you will tend to be very polite, respectful and mature at the start of the deal and that is what needs to be consistent throughout the deal even if it doesn't lead to success. The distance between a deal and end of a deal is deepened when you refuse to let go at a time when holding on is not the option. Either the loss or the strained relationship keeps coming back to you and you open the gates for a surge of failures to fall upon you. It should be kept in mind that failures or such ends of deals must not be confused with the end of a very important deal called life and well-being. An important solution is to think about the journey rather than the end. Try to break the journey into bits and pieces and grasp any positive lesson you derive from each step. Even if a bond is damaged beyond repair, learn to appreciate its beauty till it lasted and make peace with whatever is left. And as is very commonly said but seldom understood, move on. Revere,accept, learn and live,not in the past but in the present. 

Enjoy :)

Stepping in the abyss of the dark..

I love daylight. It feels like a conquered world. The chirping of birds, people going off to work, the air blowing thick with the sound of the busy city life; everything generates a positive vibe for unrestrained ideas and innovations. An optimistic approach seems all that is needed to drive away any sort of fear or sometimes it’s pretty much just the admiration of the daylight and an eternal wish that it keeps shining upon us. But then the night comes, an inevitable phenomenon. It still feels safe so far as I am surrounded with people or illuminations but once it is dark and the city life snuggles into cosy beds and pillows, my fear begins.

 A silence takes over as if waiting for an arrival. It is sometimes interrupted by some fading noises, either the barking of a dog or some gibberish sounds from neighborhood that elate me to some level knowing that people are around but soon it dies out. I don’t remember exactly when such kind of fear started striking me but my concern is that it encumbers me till its morning again. It isn't insomnia because I try to soak every ounce of sleep that surfaces out in my eyes but somehow I am woken up. It led me to sleeping in my parents' room to avoid the same but to my dismay it hasn't been of much help. The few steps in dark from my room to theirs are a sly and hasty affair as if the moment I turn back, I’d be grasped by some uncanny claws.

 The darkness isn't the same when I close my eyes but it isn't any better. My worries from the day come alive in inexplicable forms when I close my eyes and it scares me enough to close them again. Sometimes the barking of dogs turns into a chorused painful cry expressive of some long mourned grief that has occurred or is yet to and I hold on to my mother tightly and wish that it stops right away. Sometimes the brush of my hair against my ear gives me slight chills and I spring back from a chanced relaxation. I gaze at the window seeking moonlight but then I realize I haven’t the foggiest of what’s going on at my other side. It’s frustrating sometimes to turn back and forth or to think of turning the lights on to eventually find that every bit is the same but then that’s why days aren't scary because they need you to see and not seek. But night, as I have established now, is an inevitable phenomenon and fear is always of the unknown. It will continue to remain indomitable and perhaps a good sleep, like the angelic daylight, is the only escape. After all to be wiped out by light, darkness has to prevail.

     

GOLDEN DAYS

For memories are the gems,the only way to actually connect-these are my memories that I'd cherish forever............

We stepped up in our college unaware of the beautiful time that awaited us,the memories that are too many to contain, the people that are too lovely to forget and here it is the evening of this beautiful time that'll soon be over.........

As I begin to contemplate these four years , with the memories floating in the air here's what I want to say to every special person who came in my life and became a part of it:

Chahat-The first person from class who sent me fb request :p at that time I had no idea that you were going to be my best buddy...from your advices to our poking and teasing each other, from your 'braceful' smile to your free spirited punjabi style, I m gonna miss you so much...its hard to think of being in a place without you since we'd always hang out together,stuffing in junk food :p or bunking or gossiping....its you who made the college life so easy and so special for me,you stood by me at hard times and told me wherever I went wrong,you are truly the gem of a person ,,,ilysm :* and this will go on forever....:):)p.s.we do look awesome together..

Prabhat-When I think of you I remember you saying that no matter what happens you will always stand by me whenever I face any hurdles and every word turned out to be so true..you are really one of your kind and I respect you from the bottom of my heart.there were times when you'd complain to me,when I'd try to put up an argument and end up realising a totally different thing about myself,.you made me discover myself and that is the biggest thing anyone can do for a friend..i am so gonna miss you....plz do stay in touch...and all the best for your future..:*

Pallavi-Just one mutually shared regret:why didn't we meet in first year...:p i can't imagine a person more perfect than you girl and yet you are so down to earth...the wisest friend that i could ever make..every day spent with you is memorable,the Jim Corbett trip,the stay at your house,helping you with teacher's day or farewell preparations,hanging out and doing weird stuff together :D you made the 4th year so so memorable for me despite the odds that i was apparently facing and i will forever be indebted to you...will miss u...luv u so much ladki..:*<3

Divya-Your eyes,your hair,your smile,your style,i m so attracted to you...i get so much positive vibes from you that no tension can stay when you are with me..all the times spent at Nirmal Chaya teaching small girls are so much memorable and your funny pronunciations and i keep falling over and over in love with you every time i see you.....i am blessed to have you in my life and all the best for your future endeavors :*

Shivam- I have always admired you and will continue to do so forever.You are a very sweet guy and all moments of the beginning years of college when we became friends are memorable.I think you do know that you hold a very special place in my heart and I'd want this awesome bond to go on forever..i'll miss you :)

Nehal-The one thing I love about you is that you speak your heart out and the fact that you are kind and considerate towards everybody.Girl you are very special and always keep in mind that nobody has the right to hurt you.You spread so much positive energy and that's why its forbidden for you to be sad :p keep in mind...ily and i'll miss all the times spent with you :*

Gargi-Hostel life more than college life is incomplete without you.You are so cute and childlike and i adore you so much. Exam times,travelling to the centre together,or to grocery to get daily requirements,or having omelette together,gossiping,listening to eahc other's problems,stalking teacher's fb profiles,the list is actually endless...i love u yr and take care for the world is out there....will miss you so much :*

Manav-The casual shorts guy..thats how I m going to remember you :p so cute and so carefree...all your advices are worth keeping in mind and thank you for all great times you gave to me and all your friends...looking forward to strengthening this awesome bond with you..

Osheen-I have known you from first year and you are the sweetest and most adorable girl I have met.I get so much inspiration from you.Girl you are radiant and your smile is contagious.All the best for future and do stay in touch...ily :*:*:*  

Saurabh and Navya-Now you know Atirek that this is a rare sight (me appreciating you :p)!You're a great guy and thank you for bringing smile to my face.I could get to know you and your friends only after mock placements in 4th year and that day onwards there hasn't been a day we haven't texted.Thank you for making all these days special for me and I hope you get your another special someone at infy :p:):* Navya you are a very lovely girl and i have lot of expectations from you.even though we didn't spend much time together but whatever little time we spent was special.i'll miss u

Sahiba and Aaron-Sahiba you're an awesome person and I can open up to you about anything and everything.The love of my life(people can be jealous if they want to :p) and i am glad to have met you.Always stay this positive and this cute.All the best :) Aaron,Your highness! I can't tell if I'll miss you more or your bullet..you're a very genuine and a very sweet guy.I'll miss our phone calls,fried chicken momos,bike rides,teasing atirek,and all your valuable advices and quote pictures ...<3 all the best for your future


Mitesh and Himanshu-Yes I added your pic to the collage for the very reason that these four years also brought you both to my life.I feel like family with you guys and all the beautiful moments spent together will be dearly cherished. Mittu, you cooking,your photography,our long chats,...you were there in my thick and thins with me as a friend,as family,and i can't imagine a day without talking with you....Himanshu you are a very sweet guy and i'll forever cherish our special times together...i love you both so much ...will miss you :*<3

Mayank-The mba coaching brought us together and for good.It always felt great to catch up with you and your flirting :p and your jokes would always relieve me off my tensons...i m going to miss you..

Ruchi di-My elder sister and my best friend..i already miss you...c4e,momos,sarojini nagar,late night maggi,chatting on stairs,watching movies,from anything to everything there isn't a day when i don't miss you....just stay happy dii and everything will be alright...luv u :*

Saumya,Priya di-I miss you both and the weird stuff we used to do at hostel..u r both so adorable and the times spent together are special and cherished..luv u both :*

 

Divya-We became roommates in the second year and all the disastrous experience of first year got washed away.You are the best roomie i could imagine..remember how we'd talk about this time when we were in second year.all stressed up with exams...the green tea,the movies,me getting freaked out with pigeons and u driving them away,or having chaach together,talking about our college friends at the end of the day..i'll miss you very much :*

Himani-Miss Municipality!:D You'd come to our room and find us sleeping or chatting on phones and scold us to study,or to clean our rooms...going to c4e,dilli haat,the weirdo clicking our pic there,going DC to buy shoes :p i luv u yr and its difficult to imagine what life will become after hostel life gets over...all the best for your future..:*stay in touch

For all I couldn't mention about in this list: I'll miss you all and I want to thank you for making these 4 years so special...
           
                   "I have a heart brimming with emotions but not a body of words to clothe them"


                                         "Jo keh paate ye baatein to hum bhi bayaan kar dete
                                      Bas yaadein yaadein yaadein,yaadon se jahaan bhar dete
                                           Vo baatein vo yaadein lafzon me jo simat ti nahii
                                          Ye dil jo kehna chahta hai, uski zubaan kuch aur hai....."



                                                                                                                                               -VINSIN

A sleep that shouldn't have been waited for

Warm, cosy, rosey bed, cute, comfy, cotton sleepsuit, hugging your pillow,curled up like a small baby, that may be the story of a satiating sleep, this isn't. This is about being knocked up by "the unpleasant emotional state consisting of psychological and psychophysiological responses to a real external threat or danger" or in other words, FEAR.

It was the warm night of an unreasonably continuing winter. An echo of the chirp of a distant bird pierced through the silence of the night. I had slept through the day and my head felt heavy. I opened the door to look for anybody I could find awake in the hostel but their voices-loud, cheery, playful, expressive of the regular chirpy mood turned away my steps back to my room. Lights were off and my roommate fast asleep. I got into my bed, closed my eyes and tried to sleep. After 15 minutes, world felt the same: no sign of sleep. I checked my phone for messages. There was none. I texted my bff sensing that I really needed to talk to someone. Wifi connection was lost. This night wasn't going to be smooth. I plugged in my headphones and listened to some good music for a while but contrary to the expected, it diminished even the slightest possibility of sleep. Downhearted, I locked my phone and slid it under my pillow.



After a while I switched to my laptop with the intention of watching some random sitcom. After about half an hour, my eyes may have shut down but the voices from the sitcom woke me up. I hibernated it, and with a momentary joy that sleep had finally knocked up, I closed my eyes.
After a minute or so a voice interrupted whatever sleep I had grabbed hold of. I had shut the flap and placed the laptop next to my pillow. Everything was the same only the flap was open now and the sitcom was playing on it! I sensed I was in trouble and in half sleep I closed my eyes thinking that the nightmare will wear away with the sleep. But after a while another sound woke me up. This time a song played on the phone I had slid under the pillow. I thought of taking it out and pausing it thinking that I may have forgotten to close the music player app when I dozed off. But my hand couldn't move. It was frozen! And someway my inner conscience had the feeling that this paralytic attack that I had experienced before in my dreams was happening again. Only this time I knew I wasn't dreaming. I had a notion that my body wouldn't move but I still struggled into moving it. My head was still, facing the left side towards the laptop that was now closed. I tried moving my head with the help of my hands but to no avail. I couldn't move my legs too. It was like some unnatural force that had gripped my body to the bed and the fear of what might happen next made me try to scream. Yes, try to scream because I couldn't hear my own voice. It was like my mouth was glued and no word could possibly be uttered. I tried calling my roommate or making any possible sound that the uncanny paralysis would allow me to but nothing worked. The fear was consuming me. The night that had just been about the wait for sleep had turned into a horrific demon I wanted to run away from. All my existence and space in the world was about to be erased away because of this unknown force that was drowning me inside this diabolic sleep.

I sensed the vibration of my phone. I realized that wifi was finally connected and my friend would have replied me back. I had a strong urge to jump out from the demarcation line between the real and unreal to the real world where I could now wait indefinitely for sleep rather than being consumed by this evil force. After a few seconds of the unrestrained torture, I finally felt something evaporate away from me. A sudden feeling of being dumped back into the real world because of being terrified like a puppy. I bounced back and left my bed as fast as I could. It was dark and scary. My roommate was asleep and looking at her for a while I realized that I was back and that everything was back to normal.

I walked in the corridor, distraught and aghast, thinking of whatever happened with me in the last few minutes. I looked at the sky through the window, seeking an unsaid blessing and tried moving my hands and legs frequently trying to get it engraved in my belief that I was back. My bff laughed it off saying it was sleep paralysis and very common but for me it was my brain's own way of reminding me to stay thankful for being alive and healthy and appreciating every moment of life before an endless sleep consumes me.